WELLSWORLD

     I tend to forget how skinny I am or at least I must because people always remind me every ten minutes. Most of the time, I don’t really give a shit because I know they do it because they are fat. That must be hard. Usually it’s just a corny joke  but I’ve noticed this weird momentum some adults - usually middle-aged get until they’re sure they’re being as mean as humanly possible.

    I was at my most self-conscious in 9th grade. I would wear shorts under my pants to make my legs look bigger and three shirts make it look like i had a stomach and chest. I even did this in the summer and would only swim at night. I would avoid all the water rides at amusement parks. This was when friends of my parents would go often into detail about how I looked like I came from Auschwitz and should “get sent to the showers”. Offensive on a couple levels I guess.

   Another time in college a gruff waitress went off on me saying “ya know what? you’re too fuckin scrawny” OUT OF NOWHERE in front of all my friends. Moments earlier, we were laughing a lot so I think she thought we were laughing at her so this was her retaliation. I imagine being a lonely waitress in your forties and looking kind of like a man can make a person very defensive. Still, I decided to not give her a very good tip.

  Years later, I was about to move to LA when a drunk middle-aged woman berated me for a solid told ten minutes telling me I would never make it in the film industry because of how skinny I am. I kept telling her I wouldn’t even be in front of the camera so it wouldn’t matter. She kept telling me that image matters there and that the image God gave me was not good enough for LA. This was before Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg were around. 

 As a result of all this, I’ve developed an aversion to grumpy women in their 40’s, but for some reason I’m still really attracted to Sally Field in Mrs. Doubtfire.